This weekend I actually got some stuff done! Imagine that?!?! And it’s early yet. I still have a few more hours. I skipped updating altogether yesterday. I was to busy being a bee. You should see my honey.

Ok so I have a few things on my mind. One of which is, why is my poetry so simple and yet no one else sees it that way? I write so straight forward sometimes and “he” still doesn’t catch on that it’s about him. Hmm….

“Walk away slow, let me look close

I want to see something besides your nose

But wait…nevermind…what the heck….

Sit there still….I’m still looking at your neck”

There….is that straightforward enough?? Sometimes I wonder. And yes I am going to say this. Last night he and I chatted on cam and we again had a nice time talking to each other. And something cool happened, he got up and walked away and I saw his ass. Its not so much that I saw his ass that did something for me as the fact that I saw him get up and move around. Seems a simple thing, but I’ve been looking at an inanimate image for so long that it was quite cool just to see him move around. Ok ok I admit it..he has a nice ass too. But I never really checked it out like that for 2 years now so you know I don’t like him for his ass. I think his best feature by far is um…..er…..fuck…do I gotta admit it? Ok ok…. It’s his hair. He has this perfect hair. It’s thick and always looks just so. How he does that I’ll never know. He has it well trained. His hair makes me want to run my fingers through it.

I was thinking about something this morning. Why do I like him? Why do I? What is it that makes me think I do? I think it all comes back to one thing. He’s real. He’s true. He’s good. He’s funny. He pushes me up against walls mentally and he causes me to think. That’s an important thing when you are as flighty and quixotic in nature as I am. I think I like him because he’s just plain likable.

But…I shouldn’t be looking at his hair wanting to run fingers through it, his ass…his neck…….or his every so often smiles. I’m not allowed to think like that anymore. But I’m sorry, if someone’s sitting pretty much right in front of you, isn’t it human nature to look at them? I mean if you looked at a wall and there was a beautiful piece of artwork on it, wouldn’t you take notice and appreciate it? Yeah..that’s what I thought.

I took pictures of myself this morning with the sunshine streaming in. I think I am extremely critical of myself. I think that no matter what I ever look like I’ll still always tend to shudder looking at pictures of myself. But then I compared them to some older ones I had on my pc, and I can see a change. A change for the better. But not enough.

It would be so easy to get frustrated, except for the fact that I feel so different on the inside and I myself know how hard it is to change what’s going on in your head and in your heart. I know that I’m an amazing person. I know that there is no one else like me in this world. I know that I am pretty and hell when I comb my hair…..it’s all good.

I think my only problem is I’m running away from something and I notice often that everyone behind me isn’t chasing me to catch up. Perhaps that’s a good thing. When I get to where I’m going if you’re not there, then I didn’t need you to be there.

I am still conversing with Tod Goldberg. He’s slated to go meet Pete Yorn next weekend at a concert. I sometimes can’t believe I am emailing and having these exchanges with him. I guess that goes to show you that being famous doesn’t equal being an ass.

Earlier today I found this cool website…. Ed Clayton

there’s some cool pictures and stuff for writing… Check it out….click on read and write….those are such great inspirations for writing a story..etc….I am gonna do em all. Tod told me to start writing short stories until I get a feel for my own style. I think that’s great advice.

Ok…I have nothing else to say…. Imagine that? And I’m anxious to go and read my book “he’ sent to me. I am going to read this book from cover to cover…twice if I have to. I am DETERMINED!

Achin’ to write ….