Saturday, Dec. 22, 2001

merry hangover...argh...

Last night was the company Christmas party. It was held at a pretty nice restaurant, but even more so the food was amazingly good. First off, I have to say that I am majorly hung over this morning. I was drinking wine and Malibu pineaaples and I drank a strawberry daiquiri too. Argh… I was pretty hammered. I was feeling good. I haven’t gotten buzzed like that in sooo long. I wasn’t falling down drunk because I ate dinner, but I was feeling it. My boss is Italian and the restaurant we went to was owned by a friend of his and the food was to die for.

Plus the waiter kept coming to the table to straighten things and he had this crumb remover thingie that was pretty fucking cool. I never saw someone do that before in a restaurant. I guess too many years of drive thru’s…

Just about everyone of the sales guys that I work with came up to me at one point or another last night to tell me they appreciate everything I do for them. That was really cool. I didn’t expect that at all. My boss stood at the end of the table and addressed us as a group. When he got to me he thanked me for seeing the potential in that tiny little house with crappy pc’s and signing on board despite what was presented to me at that time. He thanked me for my endless supply of insight and brilliant ideas and then also thanked me for all my “idle chit chat”. Richard is not the idle chitchat sort of guy, but I think with me around he’s forced to stay down to earth and not such a workaholic. But the things he said to me at the head of that dinner table in front of everyone…were really nice and I could tell he was being genuine.

I got a bonus and all I’m saying is that they are NOT food stamps!!

My other supervisor Lynda was in an awesome mood and she wasn’t drinking. She was Richard’s designated driver. After everyone left I stayed and had a drink with Richard and Lynda and had a very interesting talk. Amazing what people

Now recall “The Silencer” from this entry….

Last night “The Silencer” tried to get the hookup with me. He kept saying stuff to me like “babie…you’re too awesome to be with a man that doesn’t treat you like a queen” “I know you and I would be so good together, so what do you say?” He had tried early in the evening to buy me a drink but I kept saying no. I kept making sure if I saw him I had a drink in my hands. I don’t want some guy buying me a drink, letting that happen to me means I am accepting a lot more. No thanks. I can buy my own drinks. But here’s the thing, this guy is nice and I do like him as far as being a coworker. But “The Silencer” is a 37 year old black man. And I am not down with that at all. I am never going to go out with a black man. It’s just never going to happen in life! He was trying his hardest to get and keep my attention. Grrrrrr……gross me out.

When the end of the evening rolled around and everyone was hugging and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas Unger hugged me and said “you’re the bomb ass chick” But hey he was drunk. When Delboy hugged me he said “thanks for being my best friend. awwwwwwwwww his best friend? That was nice. Delboy’s a cool guy. When Richard hugged me he said “I’m glad you’re a part of my family, I love you”. Awwwwwwwwww And Lynda hugged me too and wished me the Merriest Christmas and “a brand new life in the New Year”. And that’s when I had to wipe tears. I guess it’s not a good thing to get drunk and have people be all nice to you at the same time.

Now here’s the thing that I think got to me. I have all these people being so nice to me, and I know that this coming year is going to be really different for me. And I had enough drinks in me to piss an ocean later, and all I wanted was to tell “him”. To share with “him”. To be able to say “hey did you hear what she said?” To be able to be all dizzy drunk and laugh with him. At one point late in the evening I went into the restroom and laid my hot face against the cold metal and the tears came rolling down. I guess if you hold a ton of emotions inside and then you get drunk and you can’t hold it all in anymore….you have to let it out somehow. I cried for about 5 minutes and then I was ok. Then I fixed my eyeliner and said “ok…enough of that” and went back and got another drink.

The thing of it was I wasn’t sad. I just wished “he” was there. I remember one other night in July, that CD release party…….I felt that same way….when you want to share something and you can’t. It’s indescribable. And besides “The Silencer” wouldn’t have ever had a chance to get all weird with me if “he” was there with me.

Well I am going to go drink a gallon of water…..take some Tylenol….

Achin’ with a hangover…. PoeticaL

Yesterday, was it great?
Stayed in bed in my hangover clothes
I couldn't get up for the day
Wasn't yesterday great
-Guns and Roses

poetical at 3:03 p.m.

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